Just The Way You Are

Even though its 1 a.m. at night and I'm kind of dizzy from the ride home, I still felt like saying Hi :).

Today I'm in one of those happy moods.. no apparent reason, just that two months from now I'll be married. It feels so great to be in that zone when you so secure in life. When that uncertainty of who that mystery man would be has ironed itself out, you know who's going to be your armour for the battle called life, everything else from now on would be a breeze, the war between fate and you has finally ended. And fate gave me this chipmunk :P He's mostly good in parts.. and he's been constantly trying to improve. It's been quite a ride!

I had never imagined.. Oh no that is a lie.. I did start the conversations with me being a Bengali Bride in mind, but that was all humorous banter, harmless flirting, who would have thought that it could come to something as concrete as marriage. But it did!

I do consider myself lucky that his parents are nice people too who love me just the way I am. Just like he does!

For once I'm not struggling for approval everyday, I'm not being unhappy about imperfections. I am here and now celebrating myself! Being completely at peace with the way I look, the way I talk, the way I dress, what I weigh :P, what I am, where I'm from. Not one apprehension in my mind, not one doubt :)

To me it seems that there would be no greater feeling that could be stated as love other than the excitement about sharing your imperfections and completing each other. Covered with dirt, grime and wearing tatters still knowing that there is that someone who still thinks your are the prettiest girl on the face of the earth.. not being able to solve a dumb maths problem on some day yet being sure that for someone you are the smartest Man alive!

Yes today is one of those when I am feeling absolutely in love with you Mr. Sen, my soon to husband and forever my secret admirer!

2 months to go!!

On days like these this song just widens my already bright smile.. Hope you enjoy it too!!

The Things that do scare me

1. What if I fall while on my way to the stage?

2. What if he doesn't want to share his closet space with me? Where do I keep my clothes?

3. What if he doesn't want to share his house with me? Would he drop me home everyday even after we're married 'cz he doesn't like the "additional people" in the house?

4. Can I not ever wear my current clothes ever again? Will I only have to wear new clothes? What happens to all the ones I've collected till now? Oh God!! This can't be happening.. Wait a minute this should have scare point number one!

5. Everybody else looking prettier than me at my wedding

6. Wearing a sari to office (Oh no wait.. I am actually looking forward to it.. strike that :P )

7. Not being able to eat the golgappas being served at my own wedding

8. Having to run the house all on my own

9. Being responsible of a household

10. Being the go-to person for everything in the house ( Reminds me of the time (5 minutes ago) when solution to every problem is shouting mommie at the top of my voice)

11. Not getting mom-cooked food daily :(

Is it just me? Or you think I'm more scared of having to work more than anything else??

12.Living with a boy..

13. Not understanding Bengali.. worst not knowing when I'm being made fun of!! My in-laws are nice people they wont do that.. but I wont know any way, will I?

14. Being referred to as aunty by random kids.. wait a minute that happens anyways.. So I guess it's OK :P

15. Being asked very uncomfortable questions.. where in adults make jokes at the newly weds expense :|

16. Having to kill the pests in my new house on my own, but my dad does it, so that means he'll have to do it.. OK so this is covered then :D

17. Acting all grown up and wise

18. Having to play DoTa...

19. ... and liking it :/

20. Living without my mommie :(

Valentines Day: Then and Now

This really is a race against time to finish this post.. Given that it won’t have the impact unless it’s 14^th of Feb J No money lost or gained if you guess the reason, of course the “Then” and “Now” is a comparison of how people change. No prizes for guessing the “people” either!

I’m not sure how many would be able to relate with this experience of mine at the particular day, but I’m pretty sure there would be a lot who would have been on the giving or receiving end sometime in their life, the occasion is immaterial.

Now that I’m done with the pleasantries (Why does it always take forever! I wonder…) Let me now get down to the matter in a very factual way (Got the joke?? No? That’s alright.. I didn’t expect anyone to either)

So I’ve witnessed three valentine’s with my fiancé (Can I call him that already? Oh to hell with the formalities, my blog I call the shots!) and there has been a marked dip in the effort he’s put on the day ever since we got together. I know what a lot of you might be thinking, why should he be the only one putting in the effort? Why not you? Hear me out first, Will you?

I so clearly remember for our first one, he was so excited that I thought he could move a bulldozer with his energy! NO seriously! At the time he shared his house with three other friends. He had taken upon himself to make me dinner. Aww… Isn’t it? It will be even more aww.. when I tell you it was a working day, and one kitchen for four men has already been established above. Add to this that he couldn't cook to save his life at that time J But so determined was he to accomplish this task that he cut office for I think close to three hours (Don’t be jealous.. We compensate by working after hours :D) Completely ruined the day for one his friend and his wife. He roped in his friend’s wife to help him with the preps. That poor couple, they had only recently gotten married. So recent that they hadn’t even gone for their honeymoon!! And here is my hyper-active monkey happily jumping in and out of the kitchen, hopping around them with his culinary doubts.

I can’t stress this enough how surprised I was at his skills of influencing them to help him and more so their patience to put up with his antics! But he did let them free in the evening though. He did up his entire room, which was otherwise devoid of all furniture with boxes hidden under fancy bed covers to create illusion of a table (Ingenious!!) and on that makeshift table rested the surprise of the day; a proper 3 course meal! That’s an exaggeration I accept the dessert was a chocolate bar, but come on I was supremely impressed!

I know what goes inside the mind of the reader; And what did you do? Umm.. I ate it without complaining!! Jokes apart.. the food was edible, I didn’t fall sick so I guess it was nice J I made him a photo frame with our photo from a recent trip we had taken. I know ingenious again!

Then came the next year, this year too it was going to be DIY dinner. But unfortunately his sous chef had shifted to Bangalore by then. He now knew how to cook rice, but for everything else he was waiting for me to get started.. Yeah so the intent was there but there was an imminent lack of will to win (I’ve just gotten my performance review done, hence the positives and negative combined into one :D) So That year, we both cooked the food, edible nobody got sick, cleaned up and went home. Still nice, considering we did do something together. You think?    

Year three, he had proposed that we go out for dinner and given that it was a Thursday and the office gets over at about dinner time it seemed the right thing to do. But I wanted to differentiate it from our other date nights so I decided to  write him poem, a romantic one that goes without saying. I wrote it on a handmade card.. Yeah I’m good at crafts too (And modest.. Don’t forget that!). So when I gave that to him all blushing and proud of my effort, he just gives one look at it at and says, “Oh are these cuttings from the calendar I got you last year?” Yup! There is a great difference between girls and boys. What makes a girl go weak in the knees, does not even scratch the surface for boys! Note to self then: No more handicrafts! (Followed till date :D)

And this year, when he knows I’ve got nowhere to go..  his original plans for this valentines’? Going home! How men change! From what was to what is.. I had to guilt him into postponing his plans. Thank God for one of his original flatmates getting married we have some place to go. For the record, he didn't postpone his plans for me, he’s got the book fair to attend on Saturday K

But this keeps the spice in life J What good is a life which is predictable? True or not?

Post Event Update: Sometimes it's the simplest things that win your heart. 6 hours in a traffic jam, endless radio ads, a few romantic songs and the most awesome weather.. Sprinkle it with a dinner at our favorite restaurant, And he drives me everywhere with a smile on his face.. J Some things never change, never should and never would...

Happy Valentines day you all J

My First Panic Attack!

This is also not real time, but at the time when I witnessed my first real freak moment was way back in December when I was Lehenga shopping! Yes.. I'm as vain as they come. But then that's how it is.

Before I start on it, I must say I was advised against putting this out in the public domain by a dear friend of mine and I had agreed too. But then I'm a little short of content today (and this would a be a real quick one!) And also, given that every girl, no matter what religion or geography is bound to go through this at least once in her lifetime, if not for her own wedding, some other thing that she wants to look her best for (This caveat has been added after witnessing a lot of anti-marriage talk recently!) it makes sense to share the experience which feels really stupid and juvenile when you are going through it, but the awareness that others have gone through it as well makes you feel a little less stupid :).

I must say I'm great at creating hype around nothing, wasn't aware of this talent. Before I completely lose context and go off the cliff, let me start the story. Here goes..

So I've had this vision of how my wedding dress would be ever since I can remember, I used to dream about the perfect Lehenga. And it was so... well... perfect! I could so clearly see it! Right to the every minutest detail. Funny no? Funnier is the fact that in all these "Visions" of mine the groom used to right by my side and I never bothered to look at his face. So focused was I about my clothes, that I didn't care who was I getting married to! Yeah... That's how bad it is! The relationship with my husband can be altered as I want to, but the connect with the Lehenga had to be love-at-first-sight kinds.. Nothing less!

So now that you know how obsessed I was with my "Lehenga" you would think I'd be a very hard person to please.  Well.. to an extent yes, and the fact that everything these days has to follow the fashion code doesn't help. Every where I went they were all the same, so much so that I had began to lose hope of finding my soul-mate. And given that I had these specific demands which went completely against what's "In" these days it was becoming increasingly difficult. I don't think I left any store cheap, expensive, luxury, super-luxury, exclusive, restrictive and all the fancy words there could be, but I could not locate it anywhere. This was the typical scene when I went to any of these mentioned above. 

Me/Mom - "Bridal lehenge dekhne hain".

Salesman - "Shadi kab ki hai?"

Me - "April"

Salesman - "Abhi toh bohot time hai!" (Of course given that this was September and my wedding had not been fixed yet, it was only a calculated guess it would be April)

Me - "Hmm.. So what have you got for me?"

Salesman - "What are you looking for?"

Me - "Nothing specific, just show me what you got."

So then start a string samples being paraded in front of me. I dislike each and everyone of them, some are too heavy, some are too gaudy, some just too abstract for my taste. After half an hour of disappointment I get up and leave. My mom consoles me saying that I still have a lot of time and a lot of stores to look at. That cheers me up :) 

This went on for quite some time, no fruit came out of it. I had already been to so many designer label stores and the budget for the Lehenga by then had already overshot the entire wedding's expense still there was none that would make me shout "This is it!"

But then this did have one good outcome, even though I wasn't getting anywhere close to my dream lehenga, I had by now developed a very long list of all the things I definitely did not want on my lehenga. So I was confident that I would be the least inconvenience to any salesman I knew exactly what I did and did not want!

Did make things simple for me? Ha! Not even a bit! Now the conversations changed a bit to this.. shorter too!

Salesman - "What are you looking for?"  

Me - " Nothing specific.. Just that it shouldn't be in Net, Silk or velvet. And yes, I only want lots of flare. Don't show me shiny stones in the embroidery. It better not be blood red, yellow or blue. Everything else I'm fine with.." And this practically meant 90% of the stores samples :P

Salesman nods and goes inside, takes a few minutes and gets the exact same materials I had vetoed. and says " But this is all that women want these days!"

Me - "Hmm.. Don't you have anything in georgette?" 

Salesman (Laughs) - "Lehenga's are not made in georgette anymore!"

Me - "Oh! is that so?, Ok, so any other fabric but no work on the body.. just a printed fabric with different colors on the kalis and embroidery on the skirt"

Salesman (Laughed so hard that he cried) - "Madam are you sure you want to buy a lehenga?! You wont find this anywhere!"

And this was the shop which was reputed to have the best Lehengas in the city! This really did suck the life out of me.. I didn't want a lehenga everyone was wearing.. Oh God! What do I do.. What do I do... twice I had almost compromised into a Lehenga because I thought they were the best I could get.. Saved by a whisker..

And then one day by a stroke of luck.. We (Mom and Me :)) entered a store. I was ready to leave the moment I entered when I took a look at what the other girl was trying on, but my Mom's a little more patient than I am.. so we stayed on. He comes to attend me, asks my budget I tell him no constraint unless you give me what I want. He nods his head and calls a worker and asks him to escort us to his "High-End" store, I was so suspicious. I was so sure we were going to be kidnapped or mugged for being loaded with cash but didn't :P I am capable to imagine the worst or best in a matter of split seconds. Anyway, we did make it to the second store safe and sound, as it was only a stone's throw away and a boutique :) He asked me what I wanted, and by this time having faced rejections so many times, I just didn't say a word. 

And I just couldn't believe my luck when he showed me the first Lehenga! Georgette? Yes! The rich pattern fabric? Yes! No fancy embroidery on the kalis? Yes! Embroidery on the skirt? yes! No blingy stones? Oh God yes! That little girl inside me leaped! But then I controlled myself and asked him to keep going (Yes it is true.. It's impossible to impress a woman!) But then nothing else would appeal me once I had laid my eyes on my one true love :)

and when I tried it on. It really was how i imagined it.. Perfect! And yes my heart did shout out "This is it!"

The same day booked the Lehenga, was on my way back home when all of a sudden the happy feeling subsided.. and a strange sadness crept in. Did I do the right thing? This is the only place I saw it in. Nobody else even keeps such kind anymore.. What if everyone else was right, these lehengas are not this season. I reached home looked at my mom and cried. Yes! With the tears and the works.. My mom could not make any heads and tails of it as she was couldn't understand how could I be sad about the dress i had practically designed in my head! It made no sense... Even to me! How could I not be happy having something so made to order? Just How? I did share it with my above mentioned friend who tried to attribute it to the time of the month (If you know what I mean) but no.. that wasn't it! It was so damn stupid! So here I was moping around the house, my Mom being the best one said it's alright if you don't like this one we'll buy you a new one. But then we wont get our money back.. It's alright I cant see you not happy my mom said.

That made me more sad (again for no apparent reason). Anyway, I moped myself to sleep and the next day we again set out to give another shot at the lehengas.. a dozen more shops to see if something else would please me.. nothing did.

And that's when I saw something very peculiar happen.. A girl was trying her lehengas at a shop and finalized one of them.. while her mother (Yes we all shop in pairs :D) was making the payment I saw her expression change from happy to content to confused to sad to depressed by the end of the transaction! And that's when it clicked! It wasn't the lehenga that was bothering me! It was the first big purchase that had the direct bearing on my wedding and that's what had freaked me out... Not the lehenga! But then I couldn't tell her that what she was facing was the same as i experienced yesterday.. So we just got up quietly and left. Feeling a little better than the previous day, still not as sure.

Then my Mom said let's just go back and look at the lehenga again to which I readily agreed to. So we went to the shop and asked if we could cancelled the order, the answer was as expected.. But he was like why would you that? You loved the lehenga didn't you? But then I haven't seen any one else wear it.. what if I look stupid.. I don't think it looks bridal enough. And I swear I he said this.. "This is the last time I'm letting a customer click her lehenga. i can't have you coming back to me every time she looks at at and has second thoughts!" My mom asked him if we could look at it again, to this he was a little more understanding and obliged, I stared at it for probably a good half an hour and confirmed.. Yep you are the one! At which the guy said.." Are we ok now? Now go home and sleep! Stop bothering your mom and me!" How rude! But true :( Still doesn't change the fact that it was rude! But When I got home that day.. I was content having seen another bride sad after her lehenga purchase (yes the sadist me :P) validated me as not being psychotic and that meant a lot to me. My mom also breathed free for i wasn't Meena Kumari anymore.. somehow if I'm like 1% sad my mom's sadness is like 100% seeing me sad, I think that's how crazy in love our moms are with us generally.. so given that I was happy even though it was at some other's daughters expense she was happy!

And that's my "How I met my Lehenga Story".

Also as an aside, I went to check those fancy stores again last week (Yes.. I lied when I said I had made peace with it the next day, I still had my doubts).. and guess what? they had my Lehenga kinds now (In the most expensive section.. Oh yes!) I get it now.. When Sabyasachi makes something not the norm suddenly everybody goes crazy about it.. and when I had asked for it all they did was laugh at me.. Look who laughs now.. <Ha Ha Ha> Evil Laugh :P

FYI: The Lehenga was due to today, Mom called the designer and he informs he needs two more weeks. all my girl friends think it's a non-issue. But I might be having my second panic attack just about any time now! Seriously.. This thing has thrown my planning off schedule.. I was supposed to get the Lehenga today, check whether my jewelry goes with it or I need to modify it a bit, buy my sandals and chura to go with it.. And now it's not here yet!  Minor panic attack.. Minor Panic attack!

God! I'm such a drama Queen!! :)

Movies that reinforce my belief in Holy Matrimony

This list would sure be hard for a cynic like me. But then there are days when I'm a die-hard romantic too! OK may be not days but minutes in a day, but it's better than being a rock right? And also given that romance is the easiest subjects of all to bring to life via any art form or medium this list should have been easy, except that it wasn't!

But I still would try, even if the list is only 5 films long I shall do it! So here we go:

First things first, here I had one winner right from the inception and that's my all-time favorite "That's how I want to grow old movie" : UP!

Every time I watch it, it makes my heart melt. The way they both have their spots reminds me so much of my grand-parents. Right when we entered their house there were two sofas, right was grand-ma's and left was grand-pa's (or was it the other way round? It's been so long..) and not a day went by when they didn't fight about some nothing or the other. My grand father never liked to sit idle, he was always up to some experiment: culinary, workmanship, handyman-types. And every memory of mine contains my grand father being scolded for getting it wrong, they were sure hilarious! They never needed anybody else, they were so busy among each other.. I still remember how sad my grand father was when my grand mother passed away, he didn't last long alone.. soon after he followed her to the ultimate resting place. And now I'm sad... but that's the love that I want too: Eternal and forever young!

This one is sure hard to beat.. But let me test my grey cells and try to come up with another one.

The Shrek series also would be one of my all time favorites, not just for the side-kicks Donkey and Puss-in-boots, but for the underlying message too. It might have been a princess falling in love with an ogre, but when the ogre did get his hands on the princess he turned her into how he liked her best: as his ogress!!

Happy relationships are great levelers, it's not a relationship if one thinks he/she got a better deal. It's the best where the love is immense and equal. The world could think whatever, but to the two people concerned.. there is no one lovelier and no one else who would make them complete. Die Hard Romantic. Yay!

Yes.. you are not mistaken, holy matrimony and cartoon movies are not really a match made in heaven but I watch way too many animated movies. And yes they also are capable of being deep :) but even so I have some non-animated ones in the list too.

So very recently a celebrity couple broke my heart by parting ways.. No it didn't help that he's oh so HANDSOME (Almost a demigod) but that doesn't break my faith. oh no no! You've got to have faith (George Michael rules!). And that's why Notting Hill is still on this list!

I mean how can you not be in love with the "I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy asking him to love her." And also it's an added perk that Hugh Grant is so easy on the eyes. But all that aside it's a very heart warming love story.

Kate and Leopold, starring another Hugh (Jackman.. who's on my celebrity cheat-list right on number one :D) is the movie which made me his fan! I mean look how two people belonging to two different centuries found love! And here we are minor differences make us skeptical. What I loved about the movie was the fact that chivalry will never be out of fashion, even if it's a hundred years old! Women secretly want to be opened doors for, tucked into their chairs (not pay for the meals out of their own pockets... If you're reading this.. give me a sign :P) etc. and yet we're modern and that gives us every right to call it all wierd as well :P


Long story short, it was a time portal movie that made me believe in the adage : being ahead of your time.. And our Baron Leopold sure chose someone way ahead of his time ;)

Don't think me a prude, but their is only one hindi movie on this list of mine. It's not because i don't watch hindi movies, I do! I've watched too many some awesome, and some so crappy the makers should be sorry they were even born! But this genre was about the movies which make me believe in marriage, for this there is no other that comes to mind except Hum Dil de chuke sanam. 

This is the movie where the love came only by way of marriage. Of course, the first half my heart went out to Nandini for losing Sameer, they guy who looked and sang like a dream. But then for me it was Vanraj's intensity that was the highlight. True he wasn't as charming and would have cracked a mirror when he sang, but the eyes.. Oh my God.. the eyes.. they didn't lie. Yes.. this is the movie which makes you believe :) After all Vanraj did win his love when he was most prepared to give it away :)

Turns out as a surprise to myself, I am quite a romantic at heart! This list is such a mush-fest (blended richly with dollops of humor though!) But if you do revisit these movies with my point of view I know you'll fall in love with them too! and it really doesn't hurt that these movies a great first time watch if you haven't heard of them before. I know they might not be critically acclaimed and all but they're only a handful compared to the avoid list I gave out aren't they?

And given that it's that month of the year.. Give them a shot.. I insist :)

Oh no! I completely forgot Jerry Mcguire :( That's a keeper too.. Trust me :)