My First Panic Attack!

This is also not real time, but at the time when I witnessed my first real freak moment was way back in December when I was Lehenga shopping! Yes.. I'm as vain as they come. But then that's how it is.

Before I start on it, I must say I was advised against putting this out in the public domain by a dear friend of mine and I had agreed too. But then I'm a little short of content today (and this would a be a real quick one!) And also, given that every girl, no matter what religion or geography is bound to go through this at least once in her lifetime, if not for her own wedding, some other thing that she wants to look her best for (This caveat has been added after witnessing a lot of anti-marriage talk recently!) it makes sense to share the experience which feels really stupid and juvenile when you are going through it, but the awareness that others have gone through it as well makes you feel a little less stupid :).

I must say I'm great at creating hype around nothing, wasn't aware of this talent. Before I completely lose context and go off the cliff, let me start the story. Here goes..

So I've had this vision of how my wedding dress would be ever since I can remember, I used to dream about the perfect Lehenga. And it was so... well... perfect! I could so clearly see it! Right to the every minutest detail. Funny no? Funnier is the fact that in all these "Visions" of mine the groom used to right by my side and I never bothered to look at his face. So focused was I about my clothes, that I didn't care who was I getting married to! Yeah... That's how bad it is! The relationship with my husband can be altered as I want to, but the connect with the Lehenga had to be love-at-first-sight kinds.. Nothing less!

So now that you know how obsessed I was with my "Lehenga" you would think I'd be a very hard person to please.  Well.. to an extent yes, and the fact that everything these days has to follow the fashion code doesn't help. Every where I went they were all the same, so much so that I had began to lose hope of finding my soul-mate. And given that I had these specific demands which went completely against what's "In" these days it was becoming increasingly difficult. I don't think I left any store cheap, expensive, luxury, super-luxury, exclusive, restrictive and all the fancy words there could be, but I could not locate it anywhere. This was the typical scene when I went to any of these mentioned above. 

Me/Mom - "Bridal lehenge dekhne hain".

Salesman - "Shadi kab ki hai?"

Me - "April"

Salesman - "Abhi toh bohot time hai!" (Of course given that this was September and my wedding had not been fixed yet, it was only a calculated guess it would be April)

Me - "Hmm.. So what have you got for me?"

Salesman - "What are you looking for?"

Me - "Nothing specific, just show me what you got."

So then start a string samples being paraded in front of me. I dislike each and everyone of them, some are too heavy, some are too gaudy, some just too abstract for my taste. After half an hour of disappointment I get up and leave. My mom consoles me saying that I still have a lot of time and a lot of stores to look at. That cheers me up :) 

This went on for quite some time, no fruit came out of it. I had already been to so many designer label stores and the budget for the Lehenga by then had already overshot the entire wedding's expense still there was none that would make me shout "This is it!"

But then this did have one good outcome, even though I wasn't getting anywhere close to my dream lehenga, I had by now developed a very long list of all the things I definitely did not want on my lehenga. So I was confident that I would be the least inconvenience to any salesman I knew exactly what I did and did not want!

Did make things simple for me? Ha! Not even a bit! Now the conversations changed a bit to this.. shorter too!

Salesman - "What are you looking for?"  

Me - " Nothing specific.. Just that it shouldn't be in Net, Silk or velvet. And yes, I only want lots of flare. Don't show me shiny stones in the embroidery. It better not be blood red, yellow or blue. Everything else I'm fine with.." And this practically meant 90% of the stores samples :P

Salesman nods and goes inside, takes a few minutes and gets the exact same materials I had vetoed. and says " But this is all that women want these days!"

Me - "Hmm.. Don't you have anything in georgette?" 

Salesman (Laughs) - "Lehenga's are not made in georgette anymore!"

Me - "Oh! is that so?, Ok, so any other fabric but no work on the body.. just a printed fabric with different colors on the kalis and embroidery on the skirt"

Salesman (Laughed so hard that he cried) - "Madam are you sure you want to buy a lehenga?! You wont find this anywhere!"

And this was the shop which was reputed to have the best Lehengas in the city! This really did suck the life out of me.. I didn't want a lehenga everyone was wearing.. Oh God! What do I do.. What do I do... twice I had almost compromised into a Lehenga because I thought they were the best I could get.. Saved by a whisker..

And then one day by a stroke of luck.. We (Mom and Me :)) entered a store. I was ready to leave the moment I entered when I took a look at what the other girl was trying on, but my Mom's a little more patient than I am.. so we stayed on. He comes to attend me, asks my budget I tell him no constraint unless you give me what I want. He nods his head and calls a worker and asks him to escort us to his "High-End" store, I was so suspicious. I was so sure we were going to be kidnapped or mugged for being loaded with cash but didn't :P I am capable to imagine the worst or best in a matter of split seconds. Anyway, we did make it to the second store safe and sound, as it was only a stone's throw away and a boutique :) He asked me what I wanted, and by this time having faced rejections so many times, I just didn't say a word. 

And I just couldn't believe my luck when he showed me the first Lehenga! Georgette? Yes! The rich pattern fabric? Yes! No fancy embroidery on the kalis? Yes! Embroidery on the skirt? yes! No blingy stones? Oh God yes! That little girl inside me leaped! But then I controlled myself and asked him to keep going (Yes it is true.. It's impossible to impress a woman!) But then nothing else would appeal me once I had laid my eyes on my one true love :)

and when I tried it on. It really was how i imagined it.. Perfect! And yes my heart did shout out "This is it!"

The same day booked the Lehenga, was on my way back home when all of a sudden the happy feeling subsided.. and a strange sadness crept in. Did I do the right thing? This is the only place I saw it in. Nobody else even keeps such kind anymore.. What if everyone else was right, these lehengas are not this season. I reached home looked at my mom and cried. Yes! With the tears and the works.. My mom could not make any heads and tails of it as she was couldn't understand how could I be sad about the dress i had practically designed in my head! It made no sense... Even to me! How could I not be happy having something so made to order? Just How? I did share it with my above mentioned friend who tried to attribute it to the time of the month (If you know what I mean) but no.. that wasn't it! It was so damn stupid! So here I was moping around the house, my Mom being the best one said it's alright if you don't like this one we'll buy you a new one. But then we wont get our money back.. It's alright I cant see you not happy my mom said.

That made me more sad (again for no apparent reason). Anyway, I moped myself to sleep and the next day we again set out to give another shot at the lehengas.. a dozen more shops to see if something else would please me.. nothing did.

And that's when I saw something very peculiar happen.. A girl was trying her lehengas at a shop and finalized one of them.. while her mother (Yes we all shop in pairs :D) was making the payment I saw her expression change from happy to content to confused to sad to depressed by the end of the transaction! And that's when it clicked! It wasn't the lehenga that was bothering me! It was the first big purchase that had the direct bearing on my wedding and that's what had freaked me out... Not the lehenga! But then I couldn't tell her that what she was facing was the same as i experienced yesterday.. So we just got up quietly and left. Feeling a little better than the previous day, still not as sure.

Then my Mom said let's just go back and look at the lehenga again to which I readily agreed to. So we went to the shop and asked if we could cancelled the order, the answer was as expected.. But he was like why would you that? You loved the lehenga didn't you? But then I haven't seen any one else wear it.. what if I look stupid.. I don't think it looks bridal enough. And I swear I he said this.. "This is the last time I'm letting a customer click her lehenga. i can't have you coming back to me every time she looks at at and has second thoughts!" My mom asked him if we could look at it again, to this he was a little more understanding and obliged, I stared at it for probably a good half an hour and confirmed.. Yep you are the one! At which the guy said.." Are we ok now? Now go home and sleep! Stop bothering your mom and me!" How rude! But true :( Still doesn't change the fact that it was rude! But When I got home that day.. I was content having seen another bride sad after her lehenga purchase (yes the sadist me :P) validated me as not being psychotic and that meant a lot to me. My mom also breathed free for i wasn't Meena Kumari anymore.. somehow if I'm like 1% sad my mom's sadness is like 100% seeing me sad, I think that's how crazy in love our moms are with us generally.. so given that I was happy even though it was at some other's daughters expense she was happy!

And that's my "How I met my Lehenga Story".

Also as an aside, I went to check those fancy stores again last week (Yes.. I lied when I said I had made peace with it the next day, I still had my doubts).. and guess what? they had my Lehenga kinds now (In the most expensive section.. Oh yes!) I get it now.. When Sabyasachi makes something not the norm suddenly everybody goes crazy about it.. and when I had asked for it all they did was laugh at me.. Look who laughs now.. <Ha Ha Ha> Evil Laugh :P

FYI: The Lehenga was due to today, Mom called the designer and he informs he needs two more weeks. all my girl friends think it's a non-issue. But I might be having my second panic attack just about any time now! Seriously.. This thing has thrown my planning off schedule.. I was supposed to get the Lehenga today, check whether my jewelry goes with it or I need to modify it a bit, buy my sandals and chura to go with it.. And now it's not here yet!  Minor panic attack.. Minor Panic attack!

God! I'm such a drama Queen!! :)